(Actually the credit of this blog should go to Amma , as she read this in the (TOI-Times of India) Bombay edition and asked me to look up this article online. As soon as I read it , I felt like immediately sharing it with all of you. I could have sent you all the link, But apparently TOI links have some problem and do not open most times as I have experienced often. Read on and enjoy!)
“How is the US different from India?” i am often asked. As a scholar of communication, my first impulse is to answer with deep theoretical insights. As i reflect, i realise that the most interesting comparisons are in our day-to-day experiences. Let us, for fun and learning, compare an American Christian wedding with an Indian Hindu wedding.
In the mid-1990s, my friend Joseph invited me to his wedding and asked me to be one of his groomsmen. I had known Joe and Charlene for a long time and was delighted. I had no idea what it meant to be a groomsman. I asked Joe and he sent me a detailed itinerary …Come four days before the wedding. Three days before the wedding, you will have to get your tuxedo fitted. We will have the bachelors’ party two nights before the wedding. And one day prior to the wedding, we will have a rehearsal. My ears pricked. “Rehearsal? What rehearsal?” I have a theatre background and the word evoked memories of fun, friends and love.
As requested, i arrived four days before the wedding. The tux fitting was eventful, trying out a shirt with blue frills and intriguing collar designs. The bachelor party was, well…what happened in Denver will stay in Denver! And what did we rehearse? We rehearsed the whole wedding, from beginning to end! Where will the ushers stand? Where will the bride’s family and friends sit in the church? The sequence was laid out: first the flower girls, then the groomsmen and bridesmaids will come from the left and right side of the aisle, one at a time, meet at the isle and make a path for Charlene, the bride, and her father. Like any good movie, we had a few takes before we got it right. The next day, the wedding was an hour long and it was beautiful. Everyone who attended had a programme, followed perfectly. The music was exquisite, the decorations subtle and stunning, and the event appropriately fun and spiritual. I joked later that Charlene would have had a fit if the roses were not the exact shade of pink!
How does one compare an American Christian wedding to an Indian Hindu wedding? For starters, if you have 200 or more guests, it is a big wedding in the US (of course, everyone has to RSVP if they wish to attend). In India, a wedding can have anywhere from 200 to 2,000 guests. The wedding invitation is
addressed to family and friends and, on the wedding day, if friends wish to join the festivity that is perfectly okay. So, no one is really sure how many people will show up. And everyone who attends will partake in the wedding meal! If the US wedding is for a few hours, our Indian wedding can go on for days.
In the US, when Joe and Charlene got married, the focus was primarily on the wedding couple. In India, the wedding couple is important, but only to very close family and friends. In some ways, the focus is on the community reconnecting with family and friends, meeting new people and celebrating the young couple. I recall sitting faraway from the wedding “pandal” where the ceremonies were in full flow. We were gossiping and chatting with my aunt, oblivious to the actual wedding. When the right cue was given (drumming music), all of us turned and threw rice towards the “pandal” to bless the couple. Seconds later, we were back to chatting with my aunt about her latest jewellery purchase.
There is no programme, no guide and no instructions on what one is supposed to do in an Indian Hindu wedding. You step into this huge wedding hall and, from an outsider’s perspective, it feels like complete chaos. Kids are running around and playing, people are milling around and chatting and a small group is in front of a “pandal” witnessing the wedding ceremonies. When Saumya and i got married at the Balaji temple in Chicago, we watched our US friends struggling to find out what they were supposed to do. Saumya asked me, rather worried, “Shouldn’t we have someone explain what is happening and what they are supposed to do?” My mischievous side took over: “No, let them discover for themselves.” It was fun watching my American friends, who were used to linear thinking, figure out: Where does one sit? How come everyone is talking? Isn’t one supposed to be quiet during the wedding? Who takes the gifts? When do we know the wedding is over?
I could have told you how Americans are generally linear, direct and explicit in their thinking. And how Indians are often circular, indirect and implicit in their ways of life. We learn so much more about the same ideas when we unpack and compare our day-to-day experiences, like a wedding. Similar insights could be had from going sari shopping in India and comparing it to buying a dress in a mall in the US! Want to join us?
Nagesh Rao
The writer is an associate professor in the department of communication & journalism, University of New Mexico.
Very interesting ramya and vasu... a very good comparison that shows the essence of each society reflected in its customs and rituals.
ReplyDeleteEach one will be sworn by its denizens.
But I have to say that we attended a wedding in blr( the time we bumped into you at cant station) and it was pretty much well organised taking detailing into aspect for a south indian wedd. they even had a dress makeup and mehendi rehearsal for the bride, with every aspect of the function detailed and rehearsed ahead.
All this was possible becos of event planners( again a very american idea seeping into our culture!!)But have to say that things are more organised and explained. The priest even explained the course of ceremony, so I did see order in the event and felt a bit sad that we were slowly moving away the normal wedding galatta.
brindah